Would Sir like some port

As a betting front went the weekend was one of the worst l have had in a long time. My Saturday spent in front of the tv never got any better as the day turned into night.

It started off bad and got worse as the day went on.

The first bet l had was on Villa winning the live game and it looked to have got me me off to a great start when villa went ahead with only ten minutes left of the game, I then tried to lay my bet to guarantee a profit and collect a nice wedge which would have set me up throughout the day, but as soon as l pressed the button to green up villa's sidwell gave away a penalty, the betfair suspend came up across the screen and my bet was not matched. My cries of you fooking ginger haired t**t could be heard half way down the street. (I apologise to any ginger haired readers)

Watching Wolves equalise was a bitter pill to swallow and my day got progressively worse as the small acca l had was let down by one team and my other bet on Ipswich was never going to get anything back for me.

My thoughts had now turned to the Australia/ New Zealand rugby league match and my bet on the Aussie's covering the handicap never even looked like giving me anything to cheer about. The match eventually ended in a tie.

With the missus out l had the tv to myself, which meant no John and Edward on itv and no Phil and what ever the birds name is on bbc, every cloud has a silver lining but as usual there was nothing else on and with my funds on betfair looking a good few quid lighter than at the start of the day, l decided to have a quick game of poker on ladbrokes.

Having put some money in laddies to play the tipster comp l was left with about $25 left so l sat down and played on a 50-1 table. Pretty much standard fair no talking no excitement, my banter and then my muff of a players ace with an ace king three flop with a third king for me on the river must have really upset him. Every time l raised he came over the top and after the third time of doing this l decide to go all-in for about $32. He pressed the time bank and said he had aces then proceeded to act like billy big bollox and ask me what l have. The time bank was down to a couple of seconds when he finally decided to show and of course he showed the aces. He then gave a few more verbals and l did think about putting some more $$ into laddies but decided after the day l had l will wait to look him up again, l took down his name and will bide my time and then go after the the scandi fecker.

Next morning l was woken up at 8.15 by the children, with one not too keen on going back to her bed and with the other one screaming in her bedroom l was left with no alternative but to go downstairs and put on the cartoons and make the breakfast. When l put the tv on l suddenly realised it was indeed 7.15 and the missus had not put the clocks back.

Not a good start to the day.

Today was what would have been called in the past Super Sunday, a big match on sky would usually have the lads flocking to the pub. How times have changed the death of local pubs is here and l am surprised the village can still support four pubs in the manner it does.

After planning on going out to watch the match. I told the missus l would be home by six as we were having a roast, l was warned not to be late home for dinner.

By five past twelve me and my mate were supping our first pint, with him being a Liverpool fan and the match kicking off at two l did wonder if he would be going home by quarter past two.

Two of us soon became four and we were off around the local pubs, all pubs were busy with people from outside the village having meals but not really with the locals. After doing the pubs it was time for the game. Now the pub was busier still not what you would expect judging by years gone by.

Not having a bet on the game l was not really bothered who won. A Liverpool win seemed to please most in the pub.

Living in a village which is famous for its cheese you would have thought l would be accustomed with the drinking of port, not being a pirate or liking the cheese l have never drank port that was until l mentioned that fact on Sunday, it now seemed that every other drink l had someone was trying to pour a glass of the stuff down my neck. After downing it in one l was then told you are meant to sip it?

On of the best things about village life is everyone knows each other, (please no inbred jokes) always friendly and good laugh. People you have not seen for a while you can catch up and reminisce about the good old days.

One conversion turned to children and it funny how as a parent l worry about girls growing up while a mother tends to worry about a boy growing up. The thought of my two girls coming of age is one l dread and in some ways l think l would be more at ease if they were boys. That is something l will have to get used too.

The Arsenal game was now on and the only bet l had today was on Arsenal HT/FT which with the gunners 2-0 was looking pretty safe, l never even bothered to watch the game and was passed updates throughout the match that was until West ham scored to make it 2-1 and in true style just to pish me off even more Arsenal then conceded a late penalty(do you see a pattern here) l was too stunned to shout out any verbals and just drank my pint and gulped my port.

People had come and gone and now the pub was pretty quiet and to my astonishment the time was now eight and as l had missed my dinner by a good few hours l thought it best l make my way home and see if l could salvage any beef for a sandwich. The lager and port were starting to take its toll and all l can remember getting in the door and making a beef sandwich and crashing out upstairs.

Once again l was woken up by the kids in the morning at 8.00, feeing as well as can be expected l went downstairs to make the breakfast and upon turning on the tv again find out it was only 7.00.

I wish she would change that fecking clock.

Yesterday was a pretty quiet day, well as quiet as can be expected with both children at home shouting about. I sat down to watch the film on sky called Taken at 10.00. Just the right kind of film you should watch if your worried about your daughters growing up.

After watching that l went to bed and set the clock myself.

All in all a good weekend.