Finally l get it up.

When the missus asked me if l wanted to get it out and put it up, l was upstairs in bed with my clothes off faster than Tiger Woods could shout "Fore" While laying in bed waiting it suddenly dawned on me that the kids were downstairs and what with it being the morning maybe in my haste l had jumped the gun a little bit.

My missus was indeed talking about getting the Christmas tree out of the garage and decorations out of the loft and putting the damned thing up. I had put the operation off for as long as l could but now with the family waiting now was the time to venture into the garage.

Once again the jeans were tucked into the socks and off l went to get the box. After tip toeing with the box l placed it outside the front door. No way was the box coming into the house before l had checked it for holes. After deciding l could not be sure, l left it outside and began to open it like Margret Thatchers secretary would open her letters and parcels in the eighties.

My worries were soon settled no little creatures had got into the box and now the tree was laying all over the floor, l was safe in the knowledge that we would not be having an extra guest for dinner or indeed l would not have to buy the missus Gino D'Acampo cook book for her birthday.

Now with my job being been done, l left it to the rest to put the bloody thing up, not sure who was more excited with the tree going up the missus or the kids.

I took up a supervising roll from the sofa and thought it best to warn them not to put the light on the tree without testing them and spread the tinsel out about more and not to place all the balls together. I asked why was there no decorations around the back and was told because no one looks round there, when l replied l do, the missus come over and whispered do you want to do it but not in those words.

Now its finally finished with the glitter and glamour that goes with it the only trouble is the missus can't find where the chocolate shapes she bought the other day for the tree. Well she has a good idea but l refuse to confess l got a bit peckish the other night and eat them.

I must admit even though Christmas is not my time of year, you could not beat the look on the kids faces once the tree was up with its lights flashing way. Its the first time the youngest one has seen it and even though she does not know what to expect you can see she is fascinated by the whole thing. So fascinated that every three minutes l am shouting at her to leave the tree alone and come away while shouting at the other one to get out from under it before they knock the damn thing over.

Now they want the presents to go under the tree? Can you imagine the mayhem that would cause. Every five minutes the parcels would be shook like there in no tomorrow. The guessing games would start. No No No its not that. No the presents are staying hidden.

Roll on January.

Christmas Bah humbug.